I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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