White coat. Heels.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize