I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
