Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
