I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
