No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
