this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
