dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
