Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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