saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
