I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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