Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
