sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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