Your mouth is God's brothel.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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