Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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