How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize