Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
