I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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