Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
