she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
