sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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