Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
