I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
