Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
