Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
