I just cut my nipple shaving
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
