Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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