I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
