My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
