3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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