I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
