I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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