OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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