oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
