I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
