My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
