the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
