Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
