I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
