i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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