We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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