Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
