he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
