Please, let me fuck your mom
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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