so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
