I must be too annoying 4 u.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
