So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
