Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
