She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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