New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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