I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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