I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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