D3 body, D1 cock
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
