she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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