Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
