Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize