White coat. Heels.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
