When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i've created a new STD.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
