her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize