Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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