Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
