I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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