Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
