Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
