Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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