how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
