now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
