Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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