so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
