I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
