When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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