Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
