I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
