Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
