I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
