Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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